


if you wanna be my lover, you have to meet my fansites

by joshriku



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Canon Universe, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshriku/pseuds/joshriku
Summary: Ren didn't know dating Goro meant having to know what his fansites thought of him in detail, but he can't say it's not fun.“Are you sure you’re okay with the slander online?” Goro asks during their chess game. “It can get pretty intense at times.”“I think I’ve handled worse. I like the attention, though.”“Of course you do.”
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 32
Kudos: 505





	if you wanna be my lover, you have to meet my fansites

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is the written companion to [this](https://twitter.com/joshriku/status/1289053159105744896) although you could...read it as a standalone? i think?
> 
> i'd just like to say nothing about this is serious. no deep plots here. it's a shitpost but written for ao3 now. this is for yen! who doesnt have an ao3 acc! but it's symbolic enough to mention her!

“Are you _sure_ you want to do this?” Goro asks him for the umpteenth time. “My fans aren’t as easy to deceive as you think, and I certainly am not trying to get on their wrong side.”

Ren has heard that over and over. He doesn’t mean to prank or deceive anyone, frankly, he only wants more freedom to take out Goro on dates. Can’t blame him for being a teenager wanting to hang out with his boyfriend.

“Is that worry I detect?” Ren asks instead.

Goro rolls his eyes. “Talking to you is both fascinating _and_ frustrating. Just try to not call too much attention to yourself, although I know that is quite the hard task for you.”

“Are you saying I’m fascinating?” Ren smiles at Goro, teasing. He swears Goro smiled back at him before slamming the door of his dressing room shut.

Well, better not be late to the interview.

Ren starts analyzing the audience as soon as he sits down. He’s noticed some of them have professional cameras—did they hide them under their clothes?—and most of them carry a _lot_ of Goro Akechi merchandise.

The girl to his right has one of those fancy cameras, a few banners, and probably more merchandise hidden inside her bag. He could buy some of these to annoy Goro, for sure.

“Hey. Are you selling those?”

She looks surprised. Maybe Goro fanboys aren’t common…? She manages to nod anyway. Ren buys a small Goro banner and holds back his laughter when he opens it. His boyfriend’s face is staring right back at him, and in the corner, the fan’s logo is greeting him. _@JUSTICE_0602._ Cute.

Finally, the show starts filming, and everyone starts paying close attention. Ren feels some stares—did he really stand out this much? Shouldn’t they be focusing on Goro?

Speaking of, he really is a splendid actor. Ren can’t believe this is the same person who curses at him for spoiling the answers for this week’s crosswords. His smile is perfectly plastic, a little exaggerated, and his voice is so much higher than what Ren is used to hearing. It’s cute.

“But we want to know _more_ about you!” the interviewer says, just like they always do. Ren’s been watching his interviews, playing them in front of Goro just to watch him physically recoil. “We know your job is oh, _so_ very stressful. What do you do to unwind?”

“Ah, what an excellent question,” the tilt of his lips is such a dead giveaway that he’s laughing inside at how repeated this question _really_ is. “I do find myself quite enjoying cafés. There is something about them that makes me stop by every time. I might end up a coffee addict if I don’t control myself, haha! Bath-houses are a _must_ for me, too.”

Ren chuckles quietly. He didn’t know he was so essential to Goro’s unwinding sessions. He definitely will use this to blackmail him later on.

“Ooh! Is that why your skin is always so flawless, Akechi-kun? You don’t let stress get to you?”

Ren almost laughs again. Goro Akechi _is_ stress personified.

“Haha, you flatter me so. I’m afraid I am just extremely strict with my skincare routine—every night before bed!”

He picks up the comments in the audience, all of them discussing their own routines, but most of them commenting on Goro’s flawless skin. It’s funny being an audience member. Ren should start doing it more.

“Speaking of, you’re always working here and there, aren’t you? Such a brave man! But Akechi-kun, even stars like you can find hard times. Could you share with us the hardest part about your work?”

“Ah, I would not consider it to be hard if I’m helping others, but…” Goro puts his hand on his chin, thinking. “… definitely my lack of time. I would love some sleep, but as they say, crime never sleeps! Haha.”

Everyone in the audience falls into worried chatter again. _Oh no, Akechi-kun should sleep more…_ is probably the most repeated phrase. His fans clearly cared about him, didn’t they?

“You’re such a hard-worker, Akechi-kun. I really do hope you get some free time soon! What do you think you’d be doing if you had more time?”

“I think I’d like to practice playing a new instrument.”

“Akechi-kun, you’re definitely going to steal more hearts if you do that!”

Ren laughs loudly. He immediately covers it up again, but still—the comedic genius in that interviewer was truly admirable. He can almost feel Goro twitching to glare at him, but he doesn’t.

“Everyone, please keep your hearts inside your chests,” Goro says sweetly. God, Ren is _so_ using this for blackmail.

“Akechi-kun, it’s been great having you here, but we have to wrap up this segment,” the interviewer says. “Any last words for your fans?”

“Stay safe, everyone! Get home quickly and eat well. I will see you very soon!”

The audience falls into sad sighs and heartbroken words. Ren wraps up his newly bought Goro Akechi slogan and decides to wait for him outside. It’d be a while until Goro came out again, but he’s willing to wait.

“You’ll be away on your date now, yeah?” Morgana asks, popping out of Ren’s bag. “I should go take a walk. I don’t want to get in the way of you lovebirds! I’ll be back later!”

Ren smiles at him as he walks away. He’ll be away on his _date._ It never gets tiring to think about it.

“I must say, I do have a certain soft spot for small cafeterias that no one else knows,” Goro muses quietly, stirring his mug. “How did you find this place?”

The long-winded answer was that he spent quite a good few hours searching online ‘very rare cafés in Shibuya’, looking up every review and opinion, then moving onto their menús, and finally, what the café looked like—just to see if he could bring Goro to a place he’d enjoy without being spotted.

“I have my secrets,” Ren says instead.

“I would love to untangle your web of secrets one day,” Goro replies, smiling.

“Was that supposed to be romantic? You’ve had better one-liners for me.”

“Tough crowd today, mm?”

“I _did_ find this place for us,” Ren leans back, taking a sip of his own coffee. “You have to step up your game.”

“Going back to that topic, it’s going to be a surprise if someone actually spots me here. I would legitimately be shocked.”

“It is pretty quiet,” Ren agrees. “What happens if we get spotted? I never asked.”

“Most likely, dating rumors are going to spread, articles will be made, and my fanbase is going to be _very_ divided.” Goro stops stirring his mug. “Weird, it’s the first time I realize I do not care that much about backlash.”

Ren smirks. “Is it because you love me?”

“I’d say it’s because of my own growth.”

“And because you love me?”

Goro doesn’t reply. “This coffee is splendid.”

“You hurt my feelings.”

* * *

To Ren’s surprise _and_ Goro’s, someone did spot them on their coffee date. The very next day, Ren sees himself in countless articles online and he’s pretty much met with messages of all his friends saying a variation of ‘dude you’re getting absolutely obliterated on twitter’.

Ren opens up an article and immediately jumps to the comments. It’s probably the funniest thing he’s seen in a while. Like Goro had told him, his fanbase looks pretty divided, but their reactions are still hilarious. 

**[Me]:** this person called me sketchy-looking and leeching off your success. They definitely got it wrong.

 **[Goro]:** ?

 **[Me]:** You’re the sketchy-looking one. Look at your mullet.

 **[Goro]:** Stop calling it that. It’s not a mullet. 

**[Goro]:** So you agree with the part where you leech off my success?

 **[Me]:** Of course.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay with the slander online?” Goro asks during their chess game. “It can get pretty intense at times.”

“I think I’ve handled worse. I like the attention, though.”

“Of course you do,” Goro shakes his head. “Either way, this is a good thing. At least now I get a pretty solid grasp of what people would be like if I were to come out with dating news, and it’s certainly not as dramatic as I thought it would be. Very interesting.”

“Must be thanks to your really handsome boyfriend.”

“I have a handsome boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Weird. I cannot seem to find him anywhere.”

Ren takes one of his pieces when it’s his turn. “Dick.”

* * *

  
  


Ren hands him a bouquet of flowers. “For my love,” he says, grinning smugly.

Goro looks so thrown off that Ren hopes there’s at least one fan who captured a picture of his face.

“You’re getting quite bold in public now, I see,” he takes the bouquet, sniffing. “I appreciate the messy flower bouquet.”

“The girl at the shop said it was hard to make a bouquet of Forget-me-Nots, so she did her best.”

“I love it,” Ren didn’t actually expect him to say it so honestly. “Did you seriously come all this way to give me flowers?”

Being faced with the truth that he did, in fact, come all the way from LeBlanc to Goro’s workplace simply to give flowers, there’s clearly no better option for Ren than to go hide.

“I gotta go,” he announces, elegant and smooth as always.

Goro grabs him by his arm. “No, you’re staying. You promised me shitty fast food the other day, remember?”

“Am I inviting this time again?”

“But of course.”

“I’m going broke because of you.”

“Then it surely is a good thing that, as you said, I am your love. Love knows no boundaries for money, isn’t that what they say?”

Ren is sure no one _ever_ has said that, but he doesn’t argue it for once.

  
  


“Wow. I must say, this one moved real quick,” Goro turns over his phone. “An article barely an hour after it happened.”

Ren starts reading. All articles always refer to him as mysterious or sketchy-looking. What was so wrong about him? His hair? The glasses? He scrolls down to the bottom to read the comments.

“So many of your fans think you should be dating them,” Ren sneers. “They’re going to hate me.”

“Yes, indeed. Hopefully no one will go as far as to threaten you, but knowing you, you might laugh at any threat coming your way.”

“Yep. It’s funny to see how many of them feel betrayed and how many of them wonder why these are news.”

“I agree. My love life should not be headlines in the news, but this is the life given to you when you choose stardom.”

“Look, one of them thinks this is a publicity stunt,” Ren gives him back his phone. “Your manager is making you be in love with me?”

“I am my own manager.”

“So you’re in love with me,” Ren concludes.

“Either way, they are so incredibly simple-minded to even think I could possibly date them.”

“Think about it. There must be so many Cognitive Goro Akechis who are the ideal boyfriend inside these people’s palaces.”

Goro’s nose scrunches up. “It sickens me to even think about it. It is a terrible image of myself.”

“It’s a bit funny. Imagine all of them in a sitcom.”

There’s a pause. Goro’s fixing him with a stare. “I truly wonder what happens in that brain of yours.”

* * *

Ren is an audience member again, even when this interview of Goro’s will probably last around five minutes. He can feel eyes from every corner of the room, and it’s weird, because they should be paying more attention to Goro than _Ren_ of all people. It’s only setting in now how much attention he was truly gaining from the articles.

_Is that the guy with Akechi-kun…? Isn’t that the guy from the articles…? Is that really him…?_

“Thank you so much for being here today, Akechi-kun! Even if it’s only for a few minutes, we are always so happy to see you.”

“Ah, the honor is mine, truly. I was looking forward to this little interview, and I am very happy to be here.”

The fans coo in unison. Ren chuckles under his breath—just like that, the attention from him is diverted to Goro.

“I suppose we have to address the elephant in the room before we let you go,” the interviewer continues, and Ren already knows the eyes are about to return to him. The only reason Goro had this interview scheduled was for him, after all. “You’ve become the talk of the town, Akechi-kun. We’ve seen a mysterious boy giving you flowers…?”

“Of course. He’s a dear friend of mine, and he’s quite a _joker,_ ” Oh, so that’s how it is. Ren glares at him, even though Goro can’t see him. “He likes to surprise me in public, visit me, and hang out. You know, just like friends do, haha.”

He’s a terrible liar. Did everyone fall for it this easily?

“How have you been handling the reactions online? I heard they were quite mixed!”

“It doesn’t seem to be as bad as I expected them to be. However, I am aware of all the criticism my friend is facing, and I would like to request everyone to be less harsh. He should not be scrutinized by the public eye simply for being my friend. Thank you everyone who’s been understanding so far! I can only hope to grow my friendship circle, hehe.”

“Akechi-kun, thank you so much for speaking to us about such pressing issues.”

“As I said, it is my pleasure. Sadly, they need me back at the precinct, so I have to take off earlier than usual. Thank you everyone for coming today, I will see you very soon!”

Everyone claps, and then Goro is off the stage. Ren picks up on the few mumbles from the audience, which range from, _Thank God he’s not dating!_ to _Why is everyone so interested in the things Akechi-kun does in his free time?_ Ren is heavily leaning on the second opinion. It’s weird that people cared this much, then again, Ren doesn’t know that much about fandom culture. It must be normal for them.

Goro finds him waiting outside the TV station. “Did you have fun?”

“Yep, plenty. You’d like to go on a platonic date between friends?”

The annoyed sigh Goro lets out is worth it. “You do realize I cannot drop such a bomb on live television, right?”

“Sounds to me like you’re a coward.”

Goro’s glare could kill a man. Not Ren, though, he’s immune by now. He grabs him by his arm and drags him, definitely ignoring the sound of Ren’s laughter while he does it.

“Seems like everyone’s calling me Joker now,” Ren says. “This is what you wanted, huh?”

“Who, me?” Goro smiles fakely at him. “Why, I would never do that.”

  
  


* * *

Three weeks later, Ren is woken up by the sound of his phone ringing.

_“Get up, Ren. I’m dropping by LeBlanc to do an Instagram live with you.”_

“What?” Ren asks, sitting up. “Huh?”

_“It’s official, we’re dating.”_

“Thanks for the confirmation. I didn’t know we were in a relationship until right now.”

_“You better look your best by the time I get there.”_

“Sheesh. Some boyfriend you are. Don’t I always look my best?”

_“...You don’t want me to answer that. See you soon.”_

Goro hangs up. What a jerk.

Ren starts making coffee as Goro starts up his Instagram live. Goro might be used to the horrors of waking up early, but Ren sure as hell isn’t. He watches from the back how he snaps into his TV persona as soon as he goes live.

“I wanted to greet everyone like this, in a personal manner, rather than an interview. Everyone has seen the news, right? I’m sure you must be surprised. Some of you might be upset, and I understand that. However, I do not regret this a single bit, and this is the ground I stand on.”

Wow. So inspirational. Ren grins as he comes over with an extra mug for Goro, setting it in front of him and standing next to him.

“Hi,” he says. “I’m Joker.”

The little Instagram chat goes by quicker than before. Ren can make out a few ‘JOKER!!!’ ‘JOKER?!’ ‘omg no way’ comments, but other than that, the rest go by extremely quickly.

“What a boring introduction,” Goro says, shaking his head. “I expected more from you.”

“Not all of us are used to being on camera, Mr. Detective,” Ren glares at him. “Unlike you, I don’t have a gentle, polite tone.”

“It’s—it’s not a gentle, polite—”

“Every time you talk to fans you sound like the kind of guy grandmas adore.”

“That is _highly specific._ ”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“Anyway,” Goro continues, which means yes, he’s embarrassed. “His real name is Ren. Ren Amamiya.”

“But Joker doesn’t sound half bad,” he says, nudging Goro to move so he can sit down, too. Goro briefly flashes him a smile. “I don’t know what to say about myself. I don’t do much.”

“The camera really humbles you, hm? You’re a lot more up your—you’re a lot more self-centered than this.”

Oh, so Goro Akechi can’t say _ass_ on streams? Ren decides to refill his drink to avoid bursting out laughing.

“As I’ve been meaning to say, I hope everyone understands this is an important relationship to me. I am at a point in my life where I am not going to throw this away for my job. Maybe I would have done this in the past, but definitely not now.”

He wishes the chat slowed down so he could see the reactions to _that_ comment. Goro moves on swiftly, “So that’s it, basically. I hope everyone respects our privacy from now on.”

“I’d like to not be stalked. If you see me on the street—no you don’t. Is that a deal?”

Goro chuckles at that. “I’m sure everyone will understand. Thank you for coming.”

Ren waves at the camera as Goro says a final goodbye, and then finally slumps against the seat. “You do this for TV? As your job? Isn’t it tiring?”

“Very much so. Now,” Goro turns to look at him. “I thought I told you to look pretty. Your bed hair is terrible.”

“Well, not all of us have naturally silky hair like you,” Ren says as Goro reaches out for his phone. He quietly angles it at Ren and snaps a pic. “Hey! What are you going to do with that?”

“Oh, nothing,” Goro continues tapping at his phone. “Just tweeting it so everyone sees what a mess you are.”

“The next news article coming out is going to be about how we’re breaking up—”

 _Finally,_ Goro kisses him to shut him up.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i don't know how this still fits in the canon lore universe, but like, i like to think it does. thanks for reading! 
> 
> [tumblr](http://joshrikus.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/joshriku/)  
> 


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